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HI! i'm Harp!

i came to mastodon as a tumblr refugee, and have stuck around ever since!

i'm 31, use she/her pronouns, and am the token cishet lol. i'm white to the point where i think green fluff and ham salad are valid foodstuffs to put in your mouth and eat. despite these things, i try my best to not be shitty, and am thankful to many people on mastodon trusting in me enough to help me learn! i'm christian so expect some occasional christianposting; i'm also southern and am a bit defensive about the good parts of this culture (aka: the parts we stole from the slaves. sorry folks y'all know i'm right, let's go burn some confederate flags)

i'm a disabled spoonie who deals with chronic illnesses, especially chronic pain. i did become a cyborg though about half of it, which is pretty fuckin rad if i do say so and i highly recommend that

because of the aforementioned disability, my brain is usually in some type of scramble. i try to tw/cw for stuff as i can, but i also admit that sometimes i miss stuff. similarly, i usually don't caption my images because of pure conflicting needs.

i have a puppy named Holly who is EXTREMELY GOOD, and pictures of her go in the tag! i also sometimes try to do an art and only remember to tag it half the time with , but it is far more rare whoops.

one of my main hobbies is also , which i do not wear often due to health reasons but i am in love with anyway! (NO, NOT THE FETISH. please don't darken my door with that evil, leave me to my rufflepile in peace) i'm a big advocate for plus-sized and disabled lolitas, and my tastes lean more towards classic though really it's "whatever i can get" LOL! i plan to continue chronicling my journey - slowly - at sweetdisabled.com .

i am also, nominally, a furry. my fursonas include a black bear with purple-lightning claws, and an opal carbuncle (ffxiv style!).

other than that, i play a lot of computer games! where to find me:

:ffxivmsq_comp:​ Calamity Janine on Mateus calamityjanine.carrd.co/ , occasionally also alts like Davalia Thousandfoe on Mateus

:animal_crossing:​ Harp of Tybee Island in Animal Crossing!

:pokeball:​ Pokemon Sword as Harp!

Occasionally also on πŸ‘©β€πŸš€ βš”οΈ Warframe for Switch as Harpalyce, and :splatoon:​ Splatoon 2 as Harpβ™ͺ !

my switch code is SW-4830-7360-8912 ! feel free to add me (though perhaps poke me so i know who you are if you feel inclined - i'm very bad at connecting people from one online space to the next, lol!)

if i have tricked you into thinking i am a good poster who says interesting and good things: you poor unfortunate soul.

also i am probably one of the main reasons why ellie made the new character limit so big. some people are wordsmiths. i am a word mason constructing walls of text. sorry about blocking you in here fortunado, i gotta montressor sometimes

please see unlisted replies for a few more FAQs, delving into details for things listed above!

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"what do you mean when you say you won't write image descriptions?!" 

i mean just what i said - it's a conflicting accessibility issue for me.

between the anxiety, the chronic illness/lack of spoons, and the chronic pain often exacerbated by typing at times, writing captions for me is really stressful. i get into loops of stressing about it and then beating myself up about it and suddenly every post is a thirty minute long ordeal of me screaming about trying to be as accurate as possible before i collapse into a sobbing heap.

it's not a fun or good time!

if you use a screen reader and you can't follow me or even have to mute me because of this - it's like i said about the cw-ing situation. i completely understand! please do not let politeness towards me put you in danger or severe aggravation.

but also please don't yell at me for not doing captions. (and this goes double if you aren't using a screen reader, etc. i have consistently caught flak from people crusading on someone else's behalf, and people who are actually in the same disability foxhole totally understand, lol.)

it's not something i'm doing because i am lazy, or because i am too cool for it. it's not something i'm doing because i think it gets in the way of "getting clout". it's something i'm doing because i'm disabled. and sometimes being disabled means you're... dis... able... to do the thing.... yknow?

i'm not a perfect content machine. i mean i'm unable to work folks, the government even said "lmao shit's fucky, here's your official disabled status". and if you come in and yell at me for not being such, i am liable to come get snippy at you.

however, if you have the spoons to do what i cannot - and if you're willing to treat me with basic decency instead of, say, stealing my posts and saying i don't deserve "the clout" while being so lazy - i happily welcome people who are willing to do me the generous kindness of helping caption what i can't.

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"what do you mean you're bad at remembering content warnings??" 

i mean just that. i think they're valuable and i don't want to say anyone is wrong for using them! (though we could talk about how, like any other tool, there is a possibility for this system to be misused, and the meta discussions therein, but that's another thread.) just that because i'm disabled, i can't offer anyone a completely perfect experience where i ALWAYS tag things and mark things perfectly.

if you need to not follow or even mute me because of this, i completely understand and in fact i encourage it! please don't put yourself in danger for the sake of being polite to me!

if you see something i've not cw'd appropriately, please also feel totally free to gently nudge me about it. odds are extremely, extremely good that i am, in fact, just dealing with spaghetti brain and genuinely forgot lol.

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"harp, the fuck do you mean that you're a cyborg?" 

i have a spinal cord stimulator to help with some neuropathic pain! it does a fantastic job of dealing with it. the pain is because i had shingles, which is when the chicken pox comes around for round two. it particularly likes chewing on your nerves, and can leave lasting damage.

so the spinal cord stimulator is a little thing that runs an electric current 'upstream' of the damaged nerve. instead of feeling pain, i just feel the white noise kind of tingle of... well, the electricity. this pretty well covers up all of the pain, and works great!

in other words:

my body: NOOOO YOU CAN'T JUST COVER UP THESE PAIN SIGNALS WITH ELECTRICITY THAT'S NOT HOW IT WOOORRRKSSS NOOOOO

me: he he cyborg bits go bzzz

i am indeed a cyborg, complete with battery pack implanted under my skin just above my butt and remote control. it's pretty fuckin great! i may still be dealing with other health issues, but if you are wondering more details, feel free to poke me and i'll tell you more as best i can!

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guess who glitched out today in fallout 76 and kept wearing a mask you aren't supposed to be able to wear past the end of the event

@[email protected] you heard of Cool Ranch, lemme introduce you to the new hit, Warm Ranch

the fun thing about these little shakers of popcorn flavors is that i can combine them to create new flavors! i have invented one that is about 75% white cheddar and 25% ranch.

i call it Midwestern

*looking at my cat* How are you so cute. Who authorized this. Present your papers at once

Submissions are open for πŸ”₯ Comrade HimboπŸ”₯ , an upcoming printed comics anthology about big-hearted, socially conscious hunks of all genders railing against the violence of capitalism (paid project)

pome-mag.com/comrade-himbo-a-c πŸ’ͺ

do not be fooled by the presentation, this is absolutely the anthem of a sweetie service domme

hence the let me ;) be good ;) to ;) you ;) ;) ;)

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comedic death ig? 

@wigglytuffitout
my gay ass would die instantly

evaporate to a higher plane

if i ever become both confident and ablebodied enough to learn burlesque i will absolutely do a routine and if/when that happens it's all over for y'all youtube.com/watch?v=e2IctxaCPq

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yknow everybody blames the internet for furries but disney was the one who put mouse burlesque into a children's movie, just sayin'

i miss when computers had TURBO buttons

it doesn't have to do anything i just wanna press it and my computer makes jet engine noises

also here's a pic to demonstrate what i mean about the mascara i was talking about earlier!

it's very light on the eyelashes - like, weight-wise, this is still nice and dark black. the one i got has a dial at the bottom of it so you can decide if you want more natural or more FULL FUCKING BLAST, and this is me having turned it up FULL FUCKING BLAST. it comes in brown also which i may honestly have to pick up. yesstyle.com/en/isehan-kiss-me is it exactly.

the feel of it is really different from western mascaras! it's much more watery, almost the texture of ink. i'm not sure if this is true of all of their mascaras, or just this one, because of how it's 'dispensed' (the dial changes the amount of liquid you get on the brush i think). either way, if you want to wear mascara but have a sensory thing where you notice the weight of it too much on your eyelashes and it bothers you, this is one worth considering!

the selfie is no eye contact, no filters etc on this one, and i admit i'm a pretty bad mascara model because uhhh i do have some bare patches where i pulled out ingrown eyelashes.

also can't be fucked to turn it the right way round sorry idk why pics from my phone Do This sometimes.

@wigglytuffitout it took me a minute to comprehend suspender skirt, because skeleton arms are not what I imagine.

regular suspender skirt would still be cute (if done right) but this is AWESOME :blobhearteyesa:​

re: idk why i'm trying so hard to make this A Bit but it's very very bad now. i am sorry. but not sorry enough to not post this 

@stolas @wigglytuffitout finally the other 80% of my posts make sense

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Elekk: Gameing and Other Delightful Pursuits

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