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historical reenactment of the fallout theorycrafting thread i wrote yonks ago, and how it inspired a significant increase of the character limit

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a little if-you're-about-to-send-a-follow-request update:

please don't follow me if you are a minor! i just want to talk about dicks sometimes without worrying about somebody's mom calling me to scream at me for corrupting the youth. even if you think you're cool and mature, please respect this boundary and leave me to yell about dicks in peace.

if you post primarily not in english, with your profile much the same, i'm likely going to reject that follow request, sorry. this is not me trying to be an american asshole, it's just me... only knowing english really, so i can't get a good read on if you're the type of person i want following me or not. if you'd like to interact with me anyway, feel free to introduce yourself when you send a follow request. i just want to be sure i'm not letting in assholes, lol.

if you're a really hardcore vegan, you likely won't enjoy following me very much. for one thing, i am decidedly not cool with the asshole vegan habit of casual sexism, racism, antisemitism, etc. that defines PETA toxicity. (no, it's not like the holocaust. chickens aren't people. equating those lives with animals is one of the main ways that group of humans has been cruelly oppressed.) for another thing, i'm very in favor of medical animal testing. i'll get a little weepy about how we should recognize the brave lab animals who helped us gain the knowledge, and talk about that statue i really like up in russia, but i recognize the necessity of animal testing in medical science. if you are not ready to see me clown on PETA and slag off asshole vegans who claim it can all be done by computer while not being able to define what a model animal is and why we're still picking on drosophila as useful science, you are not going to have a fun time following me.

yankee bullshit can also be left at the door. i'm from the south. do not come at me with cockamamie ideas about how racism exists entirely within the southern united states, and that the southern united states can produce no good, only ill. that is just racism and classism wearing a funny hat. it's still that even if you express it in 'funny' sherman memes about how all problems would be solved if we nuked the south. you will not have a good time following me if you rock up with that attitude. i will just make fun of you. harshly. and it doesn't matter if you are outside america, and the attitude you have is that america is where all the racism is: that is just the same racism and classism expressed in a slightly different funny hat. and i will again make fun of you harshly for it, and lead other people to laugh into the infinite if you start saying that "racism just doesn't exist here in europe!" or whatnot.

on a kinder note, sometimes i just forget how social media works, so if you interact with me a lot in a friendly way and i do the same to you but i don't follow you, please feel free to ask me if i would indeed like to follow you. the answer is probably yes! i just have a brain made of swiss cheese! and it forgets how social media works quite often!

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HI! i'm Harp!

i came to mastodon as a tumblr refugee, and have stuck around ever since!

i'm 31, use she/her pronouns, and am the token cishet lol. i'm white to the point where i think green fluff and ham salad are valid foodstuffs to put in your mouth and eat. despite these things, i try my best to not be shitty, and am thankful to many people on mastodon trusting in me enough to help me learn! i'm christian so expect some occasional christianposting; i'm also southern and am a bit defensive about the good parts of this culture (aka: the parts we stole from the slaves. sorry folks y'all know i'm right, let's go burn some confederate flags)

i'm a disabled spoonie who deals with chronic illnesses, especially chronic pain. i did become a cyborg though about half of it, which is pretty fuckin rad if i do say so and i highly recommend that

because of the aforementioned disability, my brain is usually in some type of scramble. i try to tw/cw for stuff as i can, but i also admit that sometimes i miss stuff. similarly, i usually don't caption my images because of pure conflicting needs.

i have a puppy named Holly who is EXTREMELY GOOD, and pictures of her go in the tag! i also sometimes try to do an art and only remember to tag it half the time with , but it is far more rare whoops.

one of my main hobbies is also , which i do not wear often due to health reasons but i am in love with anyway! (NO, NOT THE FETISH. please don't darken my door with that evil, leave me to my rufflepile in peace) i'm a big advocate for plus-sized and disabled lolitas, and my tastes lean more towards classic though really it's "whatever i can get" LOL! i plan to continue chronicling my journey - slowly - at sweetdisabled.com .

i am also, nominally, a furry. my fursonas include a black bear with purple-lightning claws, and an opal carbuncle (ffxiv style!).

other than that, i play a lot of computer games! where to find me:

:ffxivmsq_comp:​ Calamity Janine on Mateus calamityjanine.carrd.co/ , occasionally also alts like Davalia Thousandfoe on Mateus

:animal_crossing:​ Harp of Tybee Island in Animal Crossing!

:pokeball:​ Pokemon Sword as Harp!

Occasionally also on 👩‍🚀 ⚔️ Warframe for Switch as Harpalyce, and :splatoon:​ Splatoon 2 as Harp♪ !

my switch code is SW-4830-7360-8912 ! feel free to add me (though perhaps poke me so i know who you are if you feel inclined - i'm very bad at connecting people from one online space to the next, lol!)

if i have tricked you into thinking i am a good poster who says interesting and good things: you poor unfortunate soul.

also i am probably one of the main reasons why ellie made the new character limit so big. some people are wordsmiths. i am a word mason constructing walls of text. sorry about blocking you in here fortunado, i gotta montressor sometimes

please see unlisted replies for a few more FAQs, delving into details for things listed above!

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"what do you mean when you say you won't write image descriptions?!" 

i mean just what i said - it's a conflicting accessibility issue for me.

between the anxiety, the chronic illness/lack of spoons, and the chronic pain often exacerbated by typing at times, writing captions for me is really stressful. i get into loops of stressing about it and then beating myself up about it and suddenly every post is a thirty minute long ordeal of me screaming about trying to be as accurate as possible before i collapse into a sobbing heap.

it's not a fun or good time!

if you use a screen reader and you can't follow me or even have to mute me because of this - it's like i said about the cw-ing situation. i completely understand! please do not let politeness towards me put you in danger or severe aggravation.

but also please don't yell at me for not doing captions. (and this goes double if you aren't using a screen reader, etc. i have consistently caught flak from people crusading on someone else's behalf, and people who are actually in the same disability foxhole totally understand, lol.)

it's not something i'm doing because i am lazy, or because i am too cool for it. it's not something i'm doing because i think it gets in the way of "getting clout". it's something i'm doing because i'm disabled. and sometimes being disabled means you're... dis... able... to do the thing.... yknow?

i'm not a perfect content machine. i mean i'm unable to work folks, the government even said "lmao shit's fucky, here's your official disabled status". and if you come in and yell at me for not being such, i am liable to come get snippy at you.

however, if you have the spoons to do what i cannot - and if you're willing to treat me with basic decency instead of, say, stealing my posts and saying i don't deserve "the clout" while being so lazy - i happily welcome people who are willing to do me the generous kindness of helping caption what i can't.

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"what do you mean you're bad at remembering content warnings??" 

i mean just that. i think they're valuable and i don't want to say anyone is wrong for using them! (though we could talk about how, like any other tool, there is a possibility for this system to be misused, and the meta discussions therein, but that's another thread.) just that because i'm disabled, i can't offer anyone a completely perfect experience where i ALWAYS tag things and mark things perfectly.

if you need to not follow or even mute me because of this, i completely understand and in fact i encourage it! please don't put yourself in danger for the sake of being polite to me!

if you see something i've not cw'd appropriately, please also feel totally free to gently nudge me about it. odds are extremely, extremely good that i am, in fact, just dealing with spaghetti brain and genuinely forgot lol.

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"harp, the fuck do you mean that you're a cyborg?" 

i have a spinal cord stimulator to help with some neuropathic pain! it does a fantastic job of dealing with it. the pain is because i had shingles, which is when the chicken pox comes around for round two. it particularly likes chewing on your nerves, and can leave lasting damage.

so the spinal cord stimulator is a little thing that runs an electric current 'upstream' of the damaged nerve. instead of feeling pain, i just feel the white noise kind of tingle of... well, the electricity. this pretty well covers up all of the pain, and works great!

in other words:

my body: NOOOO YOU CAN'T JUST COVER UP THESE PAIN SIGNALS WITH ELECTRICITY THAT'S NOT HOW IT WOOORRRKSSS NOOOOO

me: he he cyborg bits go bzzz

i am indeed a cyborg, complete with battery pack implanted under my skin just above my butt and remote control. it's pretty fuckin great! i may still be dealing with other health issues, but if you are wondering more details, feel free to poke me and i'll tell you more as best i can!

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just thinking about my sister's weird-ass cat

i'm pretty sure if you put penny purr and pev in the same space, there would be an antimatter and matter meeting sort of explosion

ideal cat testing scenario for adoption

you know how you shop for a mattress in person by going around and just kinda touching/flopping on them in the showroom?

that but all the cats are sleeping and you go around to bother them lovingly and hear the cat activation noise until you find one that hits just right

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sadly i think the planned cat cafe in my town got preempted by covid-19 (don't blame it, it was set to open like a few months into the quarantine lmao), but my parents better be so glad i cannot just drive myself around

otherwise there is a very high chance that i would simply happen to find myself at the humane society and-or at the location of somebody advertising free kittens on craigslist

and i'd just come back all WE HAVE A CAT NOW

this is very bad because my parents are very allergic to cats whereas thanks to allergy shots i am only a little allergic to cats these days (e.g. fine with most cats, last time it was a problem was because a very loving cat sat on my chest purring and drooling all night long when it was the cat i was most allergic to out of the 14 cats there and yeah ok eye crusties is understandable). and i y'know live with them.

but if this were not so.

i would absolutely be at the humane society all.

"bring me your most chill, chatty cat that is cool with dogs. because yes i have a dog but every time she sees or hears a cat she does the PLAY WITH ME??? I LOVE YOU?????? begging hoots. is there a cat here that's chill with butt sniffs and speaks a little bit of dog. ideally also a loving cuddlebug who likes to have conversations, and i do not mind if other attributes are things like 'black fur' or 'dumb as a bag of hair to the point where we speculate this cat might not actually have a brain whatsoever' or 'needs a special diet'. please bring me a cat to lovingly bother please and thank you"

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it is a wonderful coincidence that two friends of mine have recently adopted little black cats in some stage of kittenhood, and i love this immensely

one is very elegant (hewwo bioux), one is a small soot sprite who does a yell but those most excellent kitten yells where you can tell the kitten is just going AAAAAAAAA but all that comes out within human hearing range is just an eeeee! and it's so so so good

@wigglytuffitout That text and sounds effect is in the original too, this bit was not edited

i am so very, very glad that i was not sipping my drink when this happened in this video

the director didn't HAVE to put in this shot, but they did. i like to think they did for me specifically

(this one gets cw'd because while no genitals/etc are shown, it does however have an undeniable extreme horny energy, and also, THANK YOU MR HUGH JACKMAN SIR FOR YOUR SERVICE.)

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facebook reminds me that apparently like 13 years ago is when i watched and enjoyed the movie Australia

now all i remember of that is the hugh jackman camp shower scene

in my defense

it's very fucking good

things that hollydog is fortunately fine with: fireworks, thunder

things that hollydog is NOT fine with and would like you to know just how not fine she is with them: me not having her greenie treat at the ready today because i forgot to order them from amazon quick enough for an uninterrupted treat service

This is nothing. It is worse than nothing. Don't read this. It is nsfw and not safe for many other things including sanity and good taste 

Snake based fursona with a genital slit but instead of sliding out hemipenes (aka forked snake dick), it just keeps going and there's an entire swiss army knife worth of genital doodads in there. Also a corkscrew and a little pair of scissors. Handy!

@wigglytuffitout all the four lords trials would have been way, way easier if the game was rated AO

@wigglytuffitout the entire trial was about forcibly hitting her with the horny bat and putting her in horny jail

so yeah it's a kat

@wigglytuffitout i already have a blue harpy vrchat avatar but good call tho

I will preface this with it is said entirely in loving support and awe for technical skills:

Part of me just expects to log in here one day and see @kat posting "finally, this game is playable!" while showing a mod to ffxiv she has done so her character model is now bird gf Suzaku, but gently run thru some photoshop to be blue phoenix instead of orange

Bonus points if it's not ffxiv, but vrchat

Despite all this I am rereading the start of this Warframe profile in The Buzzing style and

Sometimes I still got it, y'all

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Elekk: Gameing and Other Delightful Pursuits

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