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a little if-you're-about-to-send-a-follow-request update:

please don't follow me if you are a minor! i just want to talk about dicks sometimes without worrying about somebody's mom calling me to scream at me for corrupting the youth. even if you think you're cool and mature, please respect this boundary and leave me to yell about dicks in peace.

if you post primarily not in english, with your profile much the same, i'm likely going to reject that follow request, sorry. this is not me trying to be an american asshole, it's just me... only knowing english really, so i can't get a good read on if you're the type of person i want following me or not. if you'd like to interact with me anyway, feel free to introduce yourself when you send a follow request. i just want to be sure i'm not letting in assholes, lol.

if you're a really hardcore vegan, you likely won't enjoy following me very much. for one thing, i am decidedly not cool with the asshole vegan habit of casual sexism, racism, antisemitism, etc. that defines PETA toxicity. (no, it's not like the holocaust. chickens aren't people. equating those lives with animals is one of the main ways that group of humans has been cruelly oppressed.) for another thing, i'm very in favor of medical animal testing. i'll get a little weepy about how we should recognize the brave lab animals who helped us gain the knowledge, and talk about that statue i really like up in russia, but i recognize the necessity of animal testing in medical science. if you are not ready to see me clown on PETA and slag off asshole vegans who claim it can all be done by computer while not being able to define what a model animal is and why we're still picking on drosophila as useful science, you are not going to have a fun time following me.

yankee bullshit can also be left at the door. i'm from the south. do not come at me with cockamamie ideas about how racism exists entirely within the southern united states, and that the southern united states can produce no good, only ill. that is just racism and classism wearing a funny hat. it's still that even if you express it in 'funny' sherman memes about how all problems would be solved if we nuked the south. you will not have a good time following me if you rock up with that attitude. i will just make fun of you. harshly. and it doesn't matter if you are outside america, and the attitude you have is that america is where all the racism is: that is just the same racism and classism expressed in a slightly different funny hat. and i will again make fun of you harshly for it, and lead other people to laugh into the infinite if you start saying that "racism just doesn't exist here in europe!" or whatnot.

on a kinder note, sometimes i just forget how social media works, so if you interact with me a lot in a friendly way and i do the same to you but i don't follow you, please feel free to ask me if i would indeed like to follow you. the answer is probably yes! i just have a brain made of swiss cheese! and it forgets how social media works quite often!

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HI! i'm Harp!

i came to mastodon as a tumblr refugee, and have stuck around ever since!

i'm 31, use she/her pronouns, and am the token cishet lol. i'm white to the point where i think green fluff and ham salad are valid foodstuffs to put in your mouth and eat. despite these things, i try my best to not be shitty, and am thankful to many people on mastodon trusting in me enough to help me learn! i'm christian so expect some occasional christianposting; i'm also southern and am a bit defensive about the good parts of this culture (aka: the parts we stole from the slaves. sorry folks y'all know i'm right, let's go burn some confederate flags)

i'm a disabled spoonie who deals with chronic illnesses, especially chronic pain. i did become a cyborg though about half of it, which is pretty fuckin rad if i do say so and i highly recommend that

because of the aforementioned disability, my brain is usually in some type of scramble. i try to tw/cw for stuff as i can, but i also admit that sometimes i miss stuff. similarly, i usually don't caption my images because of pure conflicting needs.

i have a puppy named Holly who is EXTREMELY GOOD, and pictures of her go in the tag! i also sometimes try to do an art and only remember to tag it half the time with , but it is far more rare whoops.

one of my main hobbies is also , which i do not wear often due to health reasons but i am in love with anyway! (NO, NOT THE FETISH. please don't darken my door with that evil, leave me to my rufflepile in peace) i'm a big advocate for plus-sized and disabled lolitas, and my tastes lean more towards classic though really it's "whatever i can get" LOL! i plan to continue chronicling my journey - slowly - at .

i am also, nominally, a furry. my fursonas include a black bear with purple-lightning claws, and an opal carbuncle (ffxiv style!).

other than that, i play a lot of computer games! where to find me:

:ffxivmsq_comp:​ Calamity Janine on Mateus , occasionally also alts like Davalia Thousandfoe on Mateus

:animal_crossing:​ Harp of Tybee Island in Animal Crossing!

:pokeball:​ Pokemon Sword as Harp!

Occasionally also on 👩‍🚀 ⚔️ Warframe for Switch as Harpalyce, and :splatoon:​ Splatoon 2 as Harp♪ !

my switch code is SW-4830-7360-8912 ! feel free to add me (though perhaps poke me so i know who you are if you feel inclined - i'm very bad at connecting people from one online space to the next, lol!)

if i have tricked you into thinking i am a good poster who says interesting and good things: you poor unfortunate soul.

also i am probably one of the main reasons why ellie made the new character limit so big. some people are wordsmiths. i am a word mason constructing walls of text. sorry about blocking you in here fortunado, i gotta montressor sometimes

please see unlisted replies for a few more FAQs, delving into details for things listed above!

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"what do you mean when you say you won't write image descriptions?!" 

i mean just what i said - it's a conflicting accessibility issue for me.

between the anxiety, the chronic illness/lack of spoons, and the chronic pain often exacerbated by typing at times, writing captions for me is really stressful. i get into loops of stressing about it and then beating myself up about it and suddenly every post is a thirty minute long ordeal of me screaming about trying to be as accurate as possible before i collapse into a sobbing heap.

it's not a fun or good time!

if you use a screen reader and you can't follow me or even have to mute me because of this - it's like i said about the cw-ing situation. i completely understand! please do not let politeness towards me put you in danger or severe aggravation.

but also please don't yell at me for not doing captions. (and this goes double if you aren't using a screen reader, etc. i have consistently caught flak from people crusading on someone else's behalf, and people who are actually in the same disability foxhole totally understand, lol.)

it's not something i'm doing because i am lazy, or because i am too cool for it. it's not something i'm doing because i think it gets in the way of "getting clout". it's something i'm doing because i'm disabled. and sometimes being disabled means you're... dis... able... to do the thing.... yknow?

i'm not a perfect content machine. i mean i'm unable to work folks, the government even said "lmao shit's fucky, here's your official disabled status". and if you come in and yell at me for not being such, i am liable to come get snippy at you.

however, if you have the spoons to do what i cannot - and if you're willing to treat me with basic decency instead of, say, stealing my posts and saying i don't deserve "the clout" while being so lazy - i happily welcome people who are willing to do me the generous kindness of helping caption what i can't.

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"what do you mean you're bad at remembering content warnings??" 

i mean just that. i think they're valuable and i don't want to say anyone is wrong for using them! (though we could talk about how, like any other tool, there is a possibility for this system to be misused, and the meta discussions therein, but that's another thread.) just that because i'm disabled, i can't offer anyone a completely perfect experience where i ALWAYS tag things and mark things perfectly.

if you need to not follow or even mute me because of this, i completely understand and in fact i encourage it! please don't put yourself in danger for the sake of being polite to me!

if you see something i've not cw'd appropriately, please also feel totally free to gently nudge me about it. odds are extremely, extremely good that i am, in fact, just dealing with spaghetti brain and genuinely forgot lol.

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"harp, the fuck do you mean that you're a cyborg?" 

i have a spinal cord stimulator to help with some neuropathic pain! it does a fantastic job of dealing with it. the pain is because i had shingles, which is when the chicken pox comes around for round two. it particularly likes chewing on your nerves, and can leave lasting damage.

so the spinal cord stimulator is a little thing that runs an electric current 'upstream' of the damaged nerve. instead of feeling pain, i just feel the white noise kind of tingle of... well, the electricity. this pretty well covers up all of the pain, and works great!

in other words:


me: he he cyborg bits go bzzz

i am indeed a cyborg, complete with battery pack implanted under my skin just above my butt and remote control. it's pretty fuckin great! i may still be dealing with other health issues, but if you are wondering more details, feel free to poke me and i'll tell you more as best i can!

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this example of adventures in bad translations keeps bouncing around my head, and for some reason reminding me of @kat thru sheer primarina energy

in case of emergency, do not ignore the mermaids,

all this talk about vampires reminds me of a vampire OC i have in here somewhere

who got turned when she was a teenager, so she is like "well okay i guess this is an easy way to always have somebody providing for me, just get adopted by some folks, whatever"

except then one of her adopted families was like "you poor child, you clearly need braces!"

and to keep the masquerade in place she had to go HA HA HA I GUESS... I DO... THANKS MOM AND DAD..............

it turns out that DIY braces removal is hard to do, and also would get her busted pretty quick, so now she works at the blood bank skimming donations off the top. it's not like she can feed on anybody with a mouthful of metal, so just hand her that blood bag and a straw thanks

By the fact that it’s not a good ship unless you can combine the names, I propose morgaina

I think between this and the “god is punishing america for idolatry” post, people must think I’m an evangelical or something

I love this movie cause it features nazis getting deleted

@lapis oh, and this painting by JC Leyendecker, whose name I don't actually know. (It may not have one; it was on the cover of the Saturday Evening Post in 1905.)

I'm going back to bed.

Don't have any fedi drama while I'm gone. Our mods and admin have enough to do as it is.

Ableist vegan shit 

PETA just keeps getting worse

reporting every post with swears in it, none of you are free from sin >:(

I want to see my WoL go on a murdering spree. I want to see him unhinged

Starting a support group for people who've lost their partners to ffxiv

positive second person but also a holly shitpost 

you can be holly if you want. you can stop being holly if you want. no matter what you'll still be a friend

this could be entirely untrue because i don't know shit about music but if you wanted to know why i spontaneously started nattering about the sad and slow and quiet themesong of my pet fanfic there u go

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Elekk: Gameing and Other Delightful Pursuits

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