io @sith_shenanigans@elekk.xyz

I'm trying to put on a play for a theater full of ghosts, but it gets a really bad reception every night. We keep hearing "boo"s from the audience.

I'm so good at sleeping, I can do it with my eyes closed.

I tried out some hipster tea, but I burned my mouth on it - I drank it before it was cool.

Today I learned that I can jump higher than my house.

It was pretty easy. My house can't jump.

Why do scuba divers fall backwards out of a boat?

If they fell forwards, they'd still be in the boat.

At the post office, I accidentally put my hand inside the machine they use to add postmarks to stamps.

I guess I've been cancelled.

Why is six afraid of seven?

Because seven knows what six did.

One time I got lunch with Bonnie Tyler. We'd agreed to get Greek food, but couldn't find anywhere that sold it. I was happy to just get a burger, but she was holding out for a gyro.

A fish in a lake accidentally swam into a concrete wall.

He said, "Dam!"

There are three kinds of people in the world: those who are good at counting, and those who aren't.

If you stand over Mozart's grave, you can hear all of his music being played backwards, in the order in which he wrote them.

He's decomposing.

I heard a rumor about butter, but I really shouldn't spread it.

I was planning to tell a joke about communism here, but I'm worried that not everybody will get it.

People will try to convince you that nothing rhymes with orange.

It really doesn't.

I hate to brag, but I defeated our local chess champion in only five moves.

Those karate lessons really did pay off.

What do you call a fish with no eyes?

A fsh!