In all seriousness, the "tainted Halloween candy" myth has three specific sources:

• 1959: William Shyne handed out candy-coated laxatives to trick-or-treaters, which would have been uncomfortable but not fatal.

• 1974: Ronald O'Bryan deliberately poisoned five giant-size Pixy Stix and handed them out to the children he was taking trick-or-treating - including his own two children and three neighbor kids - as part of a life insurance scam.

• 1982: The Chicago Tylenol Murders involved pharmaceutical tampering, but because they took place in late September and early October, they played into adulteration fears at Halloween.

Other than that, there have been no substantiated cases of people handing out poisoned treats to trick-or-treaters. I want to reiterate that: literally the only case of actual Halloween treat adulteration in the last sixty years was a man trying to kill his own children for the insurance money, and the only substantiated case ever of someone unrelated distributing adulterated treats was a nonfatal prank.

Of course you should be careful as parents. Just because it's never happened before doesn't mean it can't happen. But Halloween scares are supposed to be fun - don't let yourself get caught up in falsehoods about how dangerous it is!