Follow

"i wont interact if theres no pronouns in your profile" listen i wish everyone would do it too but please please please understand that there are people who are either uncomfortable with their pronouns and might not understand why yet, or might be in actual irl danger if they put the correct pronouns, but absolutely refuse to instruct others to use the wrong set.

up until fairly recently i refused to put pronouns in my bio and would pick the "rather not tell" or equivalent option for gender if I could. I could not have told you why. I just didn't want people know. I fully agreed that everyone SHOULD, but was unwilling to join in for SOME REASON...........

Show thread

"this is directed at cis people" okay but how would you be able to tell???? hell, some of the folks who would call themselves cis are probably wrong.

up until last summer my trans ass thought I was cis and didn't put pronouns anywhere. I woulda been the one gettin' snuffed here.

Like I get the intent and I don't even disagree with it, but. this ain't it, chief.

Show thread

@Joshi I get the whole "won't boost an image post if no description" but yeah, not interacting for no pronouns? That's a bit much. Not to mention I've seen people on here who don't want pronouns used at all.

@HeckinWes it's a sentiment I've seen more than once on twitter. Less so on here.

@Joshi I never actually used twitter. But I see. c: I definitely agree with you.

@Joshi By and large, I think I’m OK if people who care that much about pronouns in bios don’t interact with me. It seems... disproportionate?

Agreeing, bemoaning a cultural pattern, not directed at anyone specific 

@Joshi It sucks when something good is being normalized (pronouns in bio), there's a dumb ass backlash, and then the mood shifts for some people to aggressive evangelizing.

Pronouns in bio can feel like staking your claim, especially when you're unsure. Notmalize putting pronouns in bio, but also normalize that thise can change!

Agreeing, bemoaning a cultural pattern, not directed at anyone specific 

@rockario It's one of those things that I agree with in principle and it's so obviously a good thing.... until you run into someone closeted.

I know too many people with Secret Trans Twitter Accounts to be like "oh yes everyone, everywhere should put pronouns in bio"... because I know that would hurt those friends. Hell, if pronouns became the standard, them not having them in their profiles would be bad, or at least spish as heck.

It's just.. something that I would love everyone to do.. but I recognise that a lot of people can't. And I hate that that might make them a target of people with ultimately good intentions.

Agreeing, bemoaning a cultural pattern, not directed at anyone specific 

@rockario normalise pronouns in bio, but also normalise being okay with people who won't, at long as they're not assholes to others about it

Agreeing, bemoaning a cultural pattern, not directed at anyone specific 

@Joshi Heck, maybe even at least if a community/site requires a pronoun firld, they should have an explicit "choose not to declare" and "[Use what you feel is right]" option. ...also somehow not have those be the unusual options :unarmeHmm:

@Joshi this is (or rather, was) a huge mood for me as well

@sys64738 it's an EXTREMELY common mood, especially among the overlap of people who are both affected by such sweeping proclamations and would actually care to begin with.

like i get the sentiment they wanted but.. man. not a great execution.

@Joshi alternatively, another case is someone like me who didn't immediately understand that it was customary

@Joshi I put pronouns on my Twitter bio in response to this kind of stance, and then pretty much immediately had that lead to things I was trying to avoid

@NovaSquirrel ....hang on I recognise you. Millie told me to play your game.

@monorail @NovaSquirrel i think I have like three or four lol

Listen I have a problem, but at least that problem isn't "can't play Super Nintendo games."

@Joshi no actual lasting harm happened, nor was I outed to anyone where it would've mattered, but it was still awkward haha

@Joshi

FWIW, the thing that convinced me to put pronouns in my bio was a toot pointing out that normalizing this practice helped keep trans people safe. If everyone does it, nobody stands out for doing it.

It’s also why I usually refer to my wife as my spouse, BTW.

@suetanvil which is absolutely the right think to do!

but what I mean is, like. two years ago I didn't have them in my profile because.. I couldn't have have explained it then, but I didn't want to. The thought of putting "he/him" there was kinda gross to me. I would have absolutely seemed likw one of those cis jerks who refuses to normalise pronouns to help out his trans friends.

and then it turned out I was one of those trans friend, and my reticence made a lot more sense. but it does mean that anyone who assumed I was part of the former group (including myself!) mmm, maybe don't judge people for actions you can't know the reason for. lord knows cutting me off from talking to people for being a cis person with no pronouns wouldn't have helped me to understand WHY i didn't like putting my pronouns there.

thankfully most people don't actually care that much and I figured some stuff out :)

@Joshi

Just to be clear, I'm not judging you for your decision here; I was just bringing up a valid (IMHO) counterpoint. All things being equal, one should probably present pronouns, but all things aren't necessarily equal.

(FWIW, I consider pronouns to be part of my public face so I just go with what someone who meets me in the street would assume.)

@suetanvil I didn't think you were judging me, no worries :)

@Joshi ok but I'm not here as a resource to be used or even a Content Producer, I still will not interact with people who don't have pronouns in their profile. I understand why even some trans people wouldn't, and I'm still curating my social media experience by not interacting with those people because I am not interested in interacting with people without pronouns in their bios

@Joshi "I won't interact with" isn't calling someone a bad person for not putting pronouns in their bio. It isn't demanding anyone put pronouns in their bio. It is communicating a personal decision.
The structure of social media has convinced us everyone owes us their attention and interaction, and that refusing it and doing things like blocking is a personal affront or a condemnation. It's possible to just Not Be Interested.

@corv I didn't say they were calling anyone bad, or that they owed anyone interaction. Just that the passive-aggressive shaming left a bad taste in my mouth.

@Joshi also, someone not speaking a gendered-pronouned language natively can find it simply so odd to pick pronouns in any foreign language that they won't do it because of that

(read: demanding pronouns in bio can be a form of cultural imperialism)

@Stoori oh, that's a position I hadn't considered. Thank you for pointing it out.

@Joshi I don't like to put my pronouns *online* because I'm so used to being treated differently for being a girl growing up on the internet. I hate the pretense and assumptions and all of the change in attitude I get once men on the internet found out I was female. To me, pronouns are reserved for IRL, or to people online who have actually tried to get to know me well or follow me, not just some random schmuck who decided to visit my profile.

@bird I have a friend who's expressed some feelings like that, re: who gets to use their pronouns, and yeah, that sounds 100% valid to me.

@Joshi I just don't care.

Anatomically I'm a woman.

I was born late in the Baby Boom (early 1960s) and commonly refer to all people as "guys."

I've been called "dude" by a Gen X woman and "mami" by a Hispanic woman. I was once introduced to someone as my brother's brother, which puzzled but did not offend me.

I've thought about using "it."

The only gender word that ever offended me was when someone called me "sir."

I've put that in my bio: Please don't call me "sir."

@Joshi also, some people may just not want to be gendered. I hate random people gendering me, I'm ok with putting pronouns on mastodon bc I talk about my gender here a lot anyway, but my gender is personal to me so I don't want random people to gender me online. I put "they/them" on my profile before, but people still gendered me, just as nonbinary instead. Forcing pronouns in bio is forcing people to participate in gender when they don't feel comfortable to.

Sign in to participate in the conversation
Elekk: Gameing and Other Delightful Pursuits

The social network of the future: No ads, no corporate surveillance, ethical design, and decentralization! Own your data with Mastodon!