Tamtam<p>This is from <span class="h-card" translate="no"><a href="https://mas.to/@KatyElphinstone" class="u-url mention" rel="nofollow noopener" target="_blank">@<span>KatyElphinstone</span></a></span> s article, <br><a href="https://www.neurofabulous.org.uk/should-parents-be-paid.html" rel="nofollow noopener" translate="no" target="_blank"><span class="invisible">https://www.</span><span class="ellipsis">neurofabulous.org.uk/should-pa</span><span class="invisible">rents-be-paid.html</span></a><br>"when my kids were small, I spent some time one night looking at job opportunities in a nearby city. Being financially dependent was really getting to me. It only occured to me after a couple of hours... when was I going to do this job? In which hours??</p><p>The point really being, here, that so complete is the societal gaslighting around parenting 'not being work' that even those who're doing it, believe this. While having a vague feeling we must be going nuts."</p><p>It reminds me of the naivety with which I began parenting an autistic child.<br>I have in fact counseled every woman who asked against having a baby . Why? Not because our children are not wonderful and precious and a joy. But because it is not feasible without a lot of pain to bring them up. Especially when the family leans towards neurodivergence .And that pain will be mostly on the mothers part. And, depending on how well I over-exploit myself without ever allowing my anger to bleed into my relationship with my child, and and how lucky or privileged I may be, also on the childs part. If you want to know why, read her long thread or the article. <br>our childcare and education systems are not equipped for our divergent children. The multitude of needs and the uphill battle to meet them despite no support rests largely with women. It puts you at great risk of poverty and/or dependency. Which often translates into insecurity, stress and humiliation in the personal experience. And no matter how much you resist putting any of the weight you carry onto your child, - They will know. At some point the lovebubble you strive to hold them in will be dented. And when it bursts, it will be a lot of work to not despair and make it about you failing , but to understand the battle you have been fighting as a battle of all women, all mothers and all parents of autistic children.<br><span class="h-card" translate="no"><a href="https://fedigroups.social/@autistics" class="u-url mention" rel="nofollow noopener" target="_blank">@<span>autistics</span></a></span> <br><a href="https://mastodon.de/tags/feminism" class="mention hashtag" rel="nofollow noopener" target="_blank">#<span>feminism</span></a></p>