@crash Chroma: “That was a rebellion? I thought that’s how transfers of power *normally* happened.”

@Crash @SpaceCadet I maintain that I am capable of *physically* banning her from ocarinas. Possibly by burying them in the backyard.

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I'm trying to put on a play for a theater full of ghosts, but it gets a really bad reception every night. We keep hearing "boo"s from the audience.

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I'm so good at sleeping, I can do it with my eyes closed.

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I tried out some hipster tea, but I burned my mouth on it - I drank it before it was cool.

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Today I learned that I can jump higher than my house.

It was pretty easy. My house can't jump.

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Why do scuba divers fall backwards out of a boat?

If they fell forwards, they'd still be in the boat.

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At the post office, I accidentally put my hand inside the machine they use to add postmarks to stamps.

I guess I've been cancelled.

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Why is six afraid of seven?

Because seven knows what six did.

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One time I got lunch with Bonnie Tyler. We'd agreed to get Greek food, but couldn't find anywhere that sold it. I was happy to just get a burger, but she was holding out for a gyro.

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A fish in a lake accidentally swam into a concrete wall.

He said, "Dam!"

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There are three kinds of people in the world: those who are good at counting, and those who aren't.

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If you stand over Mozart's grave, you can hear all of his music being played backwards, in the order in which he wrote them.

He's decomposing.

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I heard a rumor about butter, but I really shouldn't spread it.

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I was planning to tell a joke about communism here, but I'm worried that not everybody will get it.

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People will try to convince you that nothing rhymes with orange.

It really doesn't.

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I hate to brag, but I defeated our local chess champion in only five moves.

Those karate lessons really did pay off.

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@Crash “Nor gloom of night—” “I have darkvision!”

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"You can dance with a lightsaber if you're not a coward."

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Elekk: Gameing and Other Delightful Pursuits

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